The sun never sets on a badass.

For you to accuse me of not taking care of mom the way she should’ve been taken care of is a complete slap in the face. I was there from the day she got diagnosed forward. I was at every chemotherapy session, radiation, surgery, and doctors’ visit. I held her hair back when chemo made her too sick, and begged her to eat when she was too sick to even look at food. I laid with her when she was too weak to walk, and hugged her when she cried. I was there every second. While I do not have a doctorate of medicine or a BSN, I took care of her the best damn way I knew how. Where were you? Oh right, in Oregon. In denial about the whole thing. I tried to tell you how bad it was and you would not come home to help take care of mom. Don’t pretend that money was the reason you couldn’t be here. You could have very easily found a way to be here. I never once made you feel guilty about not coming home because we both know mom told you to stay in Oregon. But don’t mistake your guilt for not being here and losing out on that precious time with mom for hate towards me for having an amazing relationship with her and doing what was right. I stand behind what Don and I did for mom 100% because we did everything we could for her. In mom’s words, we were the “three musketeers”. I hate it and hurt for you that you won’t ever have the memories with mom that I do, because I know I am so incredibly thankful to of had the relationship I did with mom, but you only have yourself to blame for not coming home when you should have. I’ll always be here for you regardless of how you feel and will always be supportive of the decisions you make. I will always be your sister.

“There’s a Chip on your shoulder girl and by God it’ll make you fall if you let it take a part of your soul. Sister, Don’t test the ones you love. Sister don’t let go, sister don’t let go of us. Don’t test the ones you love, it’ll only tear us down. If you want to feel alive then learn to love your ground.” -Mumford & Sons

Love you.

Circus of silence down at our feet
Paper cut tigers starting to bleed
Hang from your tightrope above the mess
Just say you’re sorry, no more no less
Words you won’t use, you don’t feel them like I do
Show will be over soon

It’s not the curtain closing causing us to call it a day
I want to walk away too
But I want you to say you are sorry
I’m not the one who went and made a mistake
I want to walk away too
But I want you to say you are sorry

I used to believe that the storybook’s true
Now I don’t need it, at least not with you
So if you see him, the man ‘neath the mask
Tell him I’m leaving and not looking back
Words are no use, you don’t need them like I do
Show will be over soon

It’s not the curtain closing causing us to call it a day
I want to walk away too
But I want you to say you are sorry
I’m not the one who went and made a mistake
I want to walk away too
But I want you to say you’re sorry

I want the one word that you refuse to say to me
You’re so good at giving me responsibility
I wash my hands clean and let you watch me as I go
I’m sorry for you, just so you know

It’s not the curtain closing causing us to call it a day
I want to walk away too
But I want you to say you are sorry
I’m not the one who went and made a mistake
I want to walk away too
But I want you to say you’re sorry

RIP Mom. I bet you are the most beautiful angel Heaven has. Thank you for being who you are and for what you’ve done for me. Miss you already.

praying the floor won’t fall through…again.